12 Steps to Avoid Burnout: A Discussion About Recovery with Anna Ward Gounev

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Transcript

Erin: 0:35

Hi, and welcome back to a new episode of the aspire for more with Aaron podcast where I am honored and excited to have Mrs. Anna Ward Gunev with us. She is a Former sales and marketing director, but more importantly, a boy, mom of two small boys, a digital creator, and a woman who clearly lives life on the sunny side. We have come up with what we believe to be, a pathway to success inside senior living, the 12 steps of avoiding burnout. recovering from burnout, recognizing burnout. what would you add to that? Yeah, all of the above. so I want you through our shared experiences of burnout, of mistakes and choices and All of the above. I feel like we are on to something. So do you want to go through, your version of what those, succinct steps, ideas, a framework that will help leaders inside the senior living?

Anna: 1:49

Yeah, so I'm super excited about this topic. Speaking of vulnerability, just a little background about myself. I have 12 years of sobriety, which I never shared in a professional realm up until 2 years ago when I turned 10 years of sobriety. And it just dawned on me, I could help someone by sharing this. So I shared it and people that I had no idea were struggling reached out to me. For resources and help. And that was like, that blew the roof off of my sobriety birthday. it just really made me realize that the more vulnerable we are, we can help people. So I've been in recovery for 12 years and in recovery, we use these 12 steps. I've really simplified it. So if you're in recovery, don't come at me like these are not the exact 12 steps. they are, but they're just simplified because we could talk about this for a week, a month, and we have what, 30 minutes, so we're going to dive into the 12 steps. As much as we can in 30 minutes. So number one is awareness and acceptance of the problem. So this can be applied to anything, right? We apply it to addictions, alcohol, gambling, shopping, eating, you name it. There's a recovery program for it, but we can also apply it to work, burnout, colleagues, bosses, clients, whatever the problem is, you can take these 12 steps. And put it to that scenario. So number one is awareness and acceptance of the problem. Number two is we cannot help ourselves alone. We must have a higher power. I call my higher power God, but religion gets a little sticky wicket sometimes. So we say higher power. Number three, we gave our higher power, our will, basically, we are not in control number four. We've made a list of our personal conduct and we found our part in it. We'll get to that later. I just personally, I think that is 1 of the number 1s like billboard shiny, bright light splashing. Number 5, we shared that list with another person. Number 6, we're ready to have our higher power remove these defects. Number 7, we asked our higher power to remove our shortcomings. Number 8, we made a list of people we hurt, and we were ready to make amends. Number nine, we made those amends to those people when possible. Ten, we make a daily list of what happened that day and we right our wrongs. Eleven, we use prayer and meditation to help us through all of this. And twelve, we help others. So that is a very simple

Erin: 5:11

nutshell. It's, I am, have not been a part of any 12 step program myself. I have walked through this journey with, someone close to me and the journey changed my life. The number one thing that changed my life was identifying resentments. Reasonably evil. Understanding that the way that I was feeling was actually a very resentful way of feeling and it was about A lot of things and I didn't understand that's what that was And then it was like, Oh my God, the floodgates opened. things started to change. I went, I had, who doesn't go to the kitchen and eat everything when they're emotional? Number one. So can I, could somebody tell me that I could never have to have a piece of chocolate cake or an Oreo ever again? No. so clearly I have an emotional dependency on food. I have an emotional dependency on shopping. So clearly. It was through this person's journey that I was assisting them with and being a part of that. I realized that shopping was a problem for me and it was a self perpetuating problem when I wanted to be debt free and yet I'm buying everything It's just not gonna work, right? The maths don't math. No, the maths don't math and so we think very I will just let me just say, I thought very poorly for a very, a judgmental viewpoint on people who were struggling with addiction. And actually, when you take a very personable view on it, you realize we all have the same struggles. We just don't view it the same way and because it's not going to kill me or other people. I don't view it as alcohol or drugs or whatever, but now I have a very wide view of that and understand it in a very different capacity. and these, this framework, this 12 step framework can literally change your life if you follow it. And you

Anna: 7:29

in so many capacities, and I've often thought even before I was in a recovery program, because I grew up in recovery as a little kid. My dad was in a recovery program. So I grew up. Vaguely knowing about the 12 steps and saying the serenity prayer my whole life, which we can get into, but I've often thought for decades. That if the world worked with a 12 steps,

Erin: 8:05

yes.

Anna: 8:06

Oh my goodness. The world would be a much healthier, safer, more peaceful, happy place. Because this is really an incredible guidebook for how to operate in life and how to operate with your spouse, your friend, your coworker, your client. Thank you.

Erin: 8:31

If you

Anna: 8:32

name it, this is it. I don't really see a much better guidebook than this.

Erin: 8:40

Yeah, Brene Brown gave me the words when it came to numbing emotions. And whether or not you choose alcohol, or you choose drugs, or you choose caregiving, or you choose people pleasing, which those are mine too, or you choose problem solving, shopping, sex, all the things. It's all the same. Yep. So you don't get to look at somebody and judge them because their choice is different than yours,

Anna: 9:10

right? Yeah,

Erin: 9:12

I will judge you because you may drink too much, but I'm sitting here. Dying inside because I'm taking care of everybody. It's the same thing. Yeah,

Anna: 9:21

exactly. It is has a hole and a void in our heart and our soul that we need to numb. And fill with other things instead of tackling that problem that caused that whole head on.

Erin: 9:39

yeah. So understanding and accepting that you have a problem, whatever the problem is, let's just take away the fact that. We're talking about recovery because that certainly turns some people off. I have a problem of feeling not enough, right? that is a problem that has been a problem. And it's probably a lot of people's problems, even if they don't talk about it. It is, I am doing all of this and it's not enough. I got a community to a hundred percent four times in a row this time. And it's just not enough. and it's a perpetual, it's a perpetual cycle that if we don't solve, if we don't identify that as a problem, then our lives are very black and white because we believe it.

Anna: 10:30

Yeah, so if you ask 100 different people, what is the most important step, you're going to hear 100 different answers. And ultimately, the right answer is every step is equally important. But if I had to pick a number 1, most important, if I just had to, I would say number 1. Because if you're not aware that there's a problem, then you're never going to be able to work on it and fix it. I think awareness is where it all begins, which is why it's the 1st step and then accepting. Acceptance, I think, is key because we're in constant denial and this is going to change. I'm going to do everything in my power to get this person or this situation to change. Wow, you're going to be banging your head against the wall for a very long time and it's going to be very painful. awareness and accepting of the problem, I think, is the foundation and key for all the other steps. That's just my opinion.

Erin: 11:39

Oh, yeah. When I came to the conclusion, there were patterns in my life that I didn't like. And I can give you a list of the reasons of why those patterns happened and how I could potentially be looked at as the victim, in each of those things that I'm assessing. But ultimately what comes down is I am the common denominator.

Anna: 12:01

Yeah, and that's where the 4th step comes in, which I also think is, almost tied with number 1 extremely important. because aside from. children are victims and as some very few rare scenarios, you're a victim. But as an adult, I would say 9. 9 times out of 10, there's hardly ever a situation where we are a completely innocent victim. And for me, I always like to use the example of setting boundaries. in my career as a sales director, I would, pretty regular basis, get clients who are very angry and upset. Now I logically know that they're angry and upset with the situation, what's going on with their loved one, finances, paperwork, whatever the case may be. I logically know this, but they're yelling at me. They're cussing. they are not treating me nicely at all. Okay. That's not okay. They should not be doing that. They should not be raging at the person across the table, trying to help them. Absolutely not. But my part in it is. I don't set boundaries. I just sit there and take it. I don't say, I'm not going to continue this conversation if you're yelling and cussing. I don't want to be spoken to like that. I don't say those things. I just sit there and get dumped on and that is my part. A thousand percent. Is not setting a boundary. So

Erin: 13:46

it

Anna: 13:47

actually helps to know that I'm not an innocent victim in this. It's actually very empowering. I have some control over the situation and the control I have is how I react. And how I respond and what I do, I can't control the other person yelling, but I can set a boundary and tell them to stop, or I can walk away or, and I know it's nuanced. I know that at work there's layers and it's a lot harder in a lot of situations, but at the end of the day, I think it's always helpful to reflect on what was our part and our responsibility and that situation.

Erin: 14:25

Yeah. It's responsibility and accountability. And the accountability part of it is literally what propels you to a better version of you. it, I wish that people would hear that when you take accountability, like what Anna just said for her part in a situation that she probably wasn't even responsible for. And I have found myself in that situation and I just let them go because I felt like that's what they needed. But inside it was seeping in and it was affecting me, but I was more worried about them getting it all out instead of me saying, Hey, We're not going to have this conversation until you're a little bit more calm and ready to talk about this. This conversation is important to me, and I want to hear what you have to say. It's just, I can't hear it with the words that you're saying, you know what I mean? I can't tell you that I, I did that and early parts of leadership towards the end inside of the community. I did that a little bit better, or I would get really silly and I would be like, can we talk in a different tone? can we just tone it down

Anna: 15:32

a

Erin: 15:33

bit? You know what I mean? humor is a good diffuser for sure. yes, but the accountability piece, what changed my life was understanding. There's a root cause analysis as to why I find myself in the same position, even though all my outcomes are what everybody wants. Why do I have this same thing happening? I got to figure that out. I got to figure that out. And it changed my life. It changed my life. Yeah, it really is holding myself accountable in every situation. Good and bad. What did you do? What did you do wrong? Yes. And then, number four, right? with the emphasis on that part, then you figure out, do I need to go and do something? Do I need to, I want to tell this story because I think this is really good and it probably we're jumping steps here and frameworks, but it's a good tie in over the past few years. I've been. I've been really, solving the I'm not enough equation. what steps do I need to take to feel enough, to be enough, to, if it doesn't go my way, I'm still enough. that kind of thing early so that I can read that. Yeah. Yeah. So early on in my career, there was a, we'll just call him a mean boy. I was an early, A very young executive director who probably didn't have any business being an executive director, but I was successful at it. Even though I didn't have a mentor or even a leader because the people that promoted me left and I had no one for about six months. Anyways, a new regional director came in and this person didn't want me. I knew it from the very beginning. He didn't want me. I'm too young. I was going to require, attention from him. And. The first opportunity he got, he moved on for me, even though my employee satisfaction score grew, my, associate satisfaction score grew. We were in the high 90 percentile or NOI was fine. There were a few things here and there was. There were some things that, of course, a young ED didn't really understand and I was fixing those too. But it wasn't good enough and we moved on and it was soul crushing. I loved that community. I wanted to be the vice president of that company. Like I, I was giving everything to that and I stayed on the floor for at least a week after that. So I see this man every year. At a conference, I see him and every year I cower and I shrink from him. He makes me Think every time I look at him. He makes me think of that version of myself Even though i've you know grown and been successful at other places and I didn't even do anything wrong, right? last year Actually this year in march because i'm so sensitive to Knowing my worth Because that is a root cause analysis for me, from a professional standpoint, that interaction was a root cause analysis for me. I went to him and I made amends, like I literally took this step for real. And I went to him and I shook his hand and I said, Hi, you no longer have power over me. I will no longer feel less than in your presence. And, how are you, I hope that you have, I hope you're doing well, and he apologized and, I will never have to feel that way again in his presence.

Anna: 19:12

Wow.

Erin: 19:13

That gives

Anna: 19:13

me major chills,

Erin: 19:17

right? All this. I would never have been able to do that without these steps, understanding, knowing, identifying, right? Never would I have been able to do that. Wow,

Anna: 19:28

that's incredible. It's so powerful and such a release of that heaviness Yeah, I love that and it's so brave

Erin: 19:41

Yes there I can't even begin to describe to you what it's like. I didn't even have control over my body It was like I felt That feeling. I don't want that feeling. What do I need to do to fix that feeling? And that was it. And it was, and when I see him, I will look him in the eyes and I will say hello, and I will move on and I won't feel that way again. And that's what this framework is. It's identifying a problem, whatever the problem is. And now you got to learn how to fix it. And then fix it in every scenario.

Anna: 20:17

Yes. So we talked about making a list and then finding our part. And then step five is sharing it with another person, which is relieving power as well. Now I like number six and number seven, and I constantly have to remind myself of these things because. I get them a little confused, so I want to break it down just for me. I'm like, what's the difference between a defect and a shortcoming again? Okay, yeah, that's right. So six is ready to have your higher power remove defects. Defects are behaviors that we do that we shouldn't. Now, I always have to remind myself of that behaviors that we do that we shouldn't so anger, gossip, resentments, here's a big one for the workplace, throwing folks under the bus, judging character assassination. These are things we do all the time in the workplace that we shouldn't. So those are defects that we really want our higher power to remove because I don't want to do any of those things. But as a human, I do I have, but I don't 7 is asking your higher power to remove shortcomings. So shortcomings are behaviors. We should be doing that. We don't. Oh, showing up to work on time. That was a really hard one for me. I just, I feel like I can do a hundred things in five minutes and I can't, but I try every single day. Personal accountability. Hold on

Erin: 22:00

a second. I feel like that's every sales director, but okay, go ahead.

Anna: 22:03

I work for some sales directors who are on time or early every single day of their career. And I'm like, how? I'm so jealous. And my husband's a former Marine or always a Marine. Yeah. And in the Marines, if you're on time, you're late. Yeah. you have to be early in order to be on time and I just don't understand that. It's just that my brain just doesn't work that way. So shortcomings, punctuality, personal accountability, being respectful, having integrity, completing tasks. I always like to remind myself of the difference between defects. And shortcomings and, it's constantly a work in progress as a recovering perfectionist. I always have to remind myself, unfortunately, I'm never going to be perfect at any of these things because I am a human being, but I am constantly striving to grow and hopefully get a little more progress and a little more progress. And get a little bit better at it, but it's just never going to be perfect, which is hard for me to say. Yeah. Yeah. and then we're talking about making amends. So I think that's another huge, important part of being in a workplace is making amends, right? That story you told is so powerful. I had a situation with one of my all time favorite bosses. He is just amazing. I threw him under the bus. It was an accident, but I did at the end of the day, I threw him under the bus to his boss. it was just all bad, I panicked and I didn't mean to, but that's what happened at the end of the day. That is what happened. And I immediately went to him and I was super honest and real. And I'm like, I just threw you under the bus to your boss and I feel terrible and I can't believe it even happened, but it did. And how can I make this right? That's a huge part of the amends is not just saying you're sorry, which is great, but how can I make this right? Or if you can't make it right, try really hard in the future to not do it again. that's a living amends is we're going to change the behavior and not to do it again moving forward. So I said that to him and he was so gracious and he's Thank you for apologizing. It's all good. That is grace. Grace is like something that you don't deserve. I did not deserve that, but that you get anyways. And then to reverse the tables, two years later, as I was leaving that company, he did something really hurtful to me, really hurtful. I was like, to the core hurt over the situation. I prayed about it. I tried to accept it. I tried to let it go. I did all the steps. I did my part, but gosh, it stung. Six months later, after the situation, I was gone long gone from the company. He called me up and he said, this situation has been bothering me for six months and I need to make amends to you. And you don't, I don't deserve to be forgiven. So I totally understand if you never want to talk to me. And it's you know what? You showed me grace. And that situation two years ago, I'm going to show you grace here. I forgive you and we're friends and it's great where the situations really crappy. Yes. Were they really painful? Yes. But making that amends and trying to right the wrong, gosh, that's powerful and healing.

Erin: 26:19

Yeah. And what gets in the way of that is pride. Yeah, pride and ego. Pride and ego, getting away with that. There is nothing more powerful than the story that you just described. Own your part. Say, I'm sorry. Grace is given to you. If grace isn't given to you in that point, it's because that person doesn't understand the basic parts of life, and you probably don't want to work there anyways. Number one, and you don't want to be in their orbit. Number two, but when somebody comes to you and says, I just did this and I am so sorry, what can I do to make it right? Like that. Thank you. Thank you for saying that to me. I don't know. But let me get back because I got to handle whatever it is, right now. that's. Yes, it does require a behavior change. My son says sorry all the time, but his behavior doesn't change. And I'm like, don't say sorry, don't say sorry until the behavior is until you're ready to not make that choice again, because sorry, doesn't matter at this point.

Anna: 27:22

Changing the behavior is the critical component of that for sure. Yes. Go ahead. Oh, go ahead. no. Go ahead. You go. Go ahead. You were saying that sometimes. The person won't forgive you and you shouldn't be in that space, but that's part of keeping your side of the street clean.

Erin: 27:43

Yeah.

Anna: 27:43

Yeah. Like sometimes a person is not going to forgive you for whatever reason. And sometimes you still have to work there. Yeah. but at the end of the day, you've kept your side of the street clean and that's really all that matters. Yeah. I did my part. I took accountability. I took responsibility. I made the amends. I am trying to change the behavior. And at the end of the day, that's all I can do, is keep my side of the street clean and stay on my side of the street. I think that's another important component to the workplace, is a lot of times we want to put our hands in all of the things and all of the departments Run the show and control and again, it's nuanced and we want to be team players, but staying in our lane and staying on our side of the street. And I like to call it in my hula hoop. I'm wearing a hula hoop and I stay in my lane. Let's hold hula hoop and keep that part clean is really what I have control over. And the other person's response is unfortunately out of my control all the time.

Erin: 29:00

And that's where you bring in the serenity prayer and you say, help me identify what I can and cannot control. Yeah. I have worked through my framework. To feel good, to feel confident, to feel strong. And I can't do any more than that because I have followed my path. And that is power. Whereas I used to, and I still have a tendency and I have to rein it in and say, I can fix this. I can fix this. I know that I can fix this. even though I've already made my amends, even though I've already done this, or I know that I can fix this. It's but that's outside of my hula hoop, right? Yeah. I can't make them see what they don't want to see. I can't do whatever has been done. So what I can do is own it, speak it, change and let go.

Anna: 30:01

Yeah. Cause the serenity prayer is all about the only thing we can control, is ourselves. Yeah. So the serenity prayer is God, higher power, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, which I like to insert is everything and everyone helped me to accept the things I can change, which is myself. That's it. Myself and my hula hoop and give me the wisdom to know the difference between what I can change and what I can't. And that prayer, my dad taught me as a little kid, and I have been saying since I was a little kid in school, I used to get so much anxiety about tests and public speaking. Oh, my gosh, it's actually, really ironic that I'm doing this podcast because I'm terrified of public speaking and I never wanted to do those speeches in school. So I would always say the serenity prayer before the speech, which is. the only person I have control over is myself and how everybody else receives the speech or how I do on the test is out of my control. I've studied, I've prepared. And the rest is up to God. Higher power. Take the reins. Jesus, take the wheel.

Erin: 31:28

Yeah. I, when I became, I've always known about the serenity prayer. Again, it was one of those, thank you for sharing type things, roll my eyes at it, that kind of thing. But when I became like aware of the serenity prayer and I started using it, In my own life. I then started seeing family members. I started seeing family members struggling with the same stuff. I was struggling and I saw it from a different perspective and I said to someone I said to a lot of people, but I remember saying it to the first person and go. Oh, my God, that worked. I said to this daughter who was, you can tell she was a type A personality and her mother was dying and there wasn't anything else for her to do except for to just be, and she didn't really know how to be, she only knew how to do. And she wanted me to say something. And I said to her, she wanted me. to tell her a timeline, which I'm just, I'm an executive director, I can give you my best guess based on my experience, but that's not really what you want from me, right? So I said to her, you cannot control what you cannot control. we are in a process that is uncontrollable. And what you can control. You have done an amazing job. Amazing job. Could not have done better. You have loved her. You have been with her. You have made the best decisions for her. You have kept us accountable for her. You have done it all. So now, just love her. And be with her. And you choose when you want to come. Because there are no rules here, and it was like, she just calmed down. I would have not had those words, right? If I had not experienced what I was currently going through and had been going through for years before that and there are so many powerful lessons to be learned in times of And this is just a sample of how a hard time that you go through can help somebody else through that hard time, which is the last step, right? Which is to help others. Yeah. What we're doing, hopefully we're helping others.

Anna: 33:37

my prayer whenever I'm speaking, because, I hate public speaking, but I find myself doing it a lot, which is God's sense of humor. So whenever I speak, my prayer before I speak is God, please help me to help at least one person. If I have helped one person, It was all worth it. All of this anxiety and preparation and fear and being vulnerable, because vulnerability can be scary, right? I share that I have 12 years of sobriety and there might be judgments towards that. So if I can help one person, it was all worth it.

Erin: 34:22

Yeah.

Anna: 34:22

And I do want to talk about step 11 as well. That's prayer meditation. And for me, gratitude is my spiritual foundation. I go to church, all of that, but at the end of the day, gratitude is my foundation. Is my spiritual foundation. I say that gratitude is a magic trick. I think it's the ultimate magic trick because you take a really bad situation where it just seems like there's no light at the end of the tunnel. And there's no, how can there be any positivity in this situation? And you start listing, I have a roof over my head. I have eyesight. I can see the clouds. I have my health. I have running water. the other day our water got turned off accidentally. to go five minutes without running water, really put things into perspective of having gratitude for running water. you can really make the gratitude list as basic or as silly as you want. And it's a magic trick. My kids and I do every night A GLAD list. So it's G L A D and we run through our day and this is like the 10th step, right? Of running through your day and what could I have done better? What went wrong? Do I need to make an amends? So GLAD, G is gratitude. So we say what we're grateful for the day. L is what we learned in the day. A is what we accomplished in the day. Okay. And D is what delighted us. And ultimately I think that gratitude is a thank you to God or your higher power. So even if you don't know what to pray or don't know what to meditate on, if you just do a simple gratitude list, that is a thank you God, higher power for giving me this day,

Erin: 36:31

that is so good because I lived life full of resentments for a long time and I didn't know what that was. I understand the magic trick because I do count my blessings and when you count your blessings, when you're thankful for the opportunity, it is magic. It is, there's a million reasons why you could think negatively about any circumstance. And I honestly, if I'm honest with myself, I go that route first. Because you compare yourself to somebody else or, whatever I want to lose X amount or weight and I sit here and talk bad about me and then somebody else who may weigh 100 pounds is listening to me and I'm, it's I don't think about what I say negative about me and how it affects somebody else. Until somebody else who weighs less than me talks about, and then I'm like, Oh man, I'm bigger than you. What are you thinking about me? You know what I mean? It's like all of this stuff and it is. And I literally am trying and I'm better, much, much better at trying to see the positive side on everything. And being thankful for what is versus focusing on what isn't. And life is so much easier. Life is so much better. It

Anna: 38:00

is. in a couple that just happened, we went camping, my six year old son just joined cub scouts. So this was our 1st camp out with the cub scout pack, and I was blown away by the organization of the campsite and the kitchen set up and the meals. these cases like gourmet meals to me and everything was just. Done to, these high standards and then, it was a great weekend. We loved it. We loved every 2nd of it fast forward to the parent meeting last night. They were recapping the camp out and this one parent was saying, the kitchen set up was just so awful. he just had every complaint under the sun and it was fascinating to me actually, because it's wow, perspectives are everything. Her perspective was it was the worst and if that's how you look at it, then yeah, I guess it's going to be bad. But our perspective was this was like the greatest camp out ever.

Erin: 39:13

Yeah,

Anna: 39:14

because we saw the gratitude in it so you can look at the same exact situation and go to completely different paths. And guess who had more fun that weekend? The people who are looking at it as this is great. If you look at it as this is horrible, that is, you're not going to have very much fun.

Erin: 39:41

Yeah, and that ties into step number two, when it's basically trusting the process, just trusting the process. If I'm going to be thankful for everything, and I'm going to know that I'm going to reap what I sow. So when I, from a senior living standpoint, I, the only, every new community I went to was in the 55, 65 percentile, right? So I went into every hard situation and I innately trusted the process. I believe from a very young age that you do reap what you sow. And so if I'm going to do good and add value to people's lives and love people are going to come to me because I'm going to do a good job. And if I do that consistently, I will grow occupancy. I always have. It always works. It always works, folks. It always works. And, but I struggled with that process outside of the community because my perspective was different because I struggled with resentments outside of it because I wanted people to see me because I did look at the negative side of things. And when you trust the process, the faith over fear, and you realize it actually works in your professional life and it works in your personal life. And you just literally give away what you need. It will come back to you, press down, shaken together, baby, and in full in, in fullness. you literally just have to trust the process. And the process is exactly what that word means. It's a process. It doesn't come immediately. So you can't give up. You cannot give up because you don't see it tomorrow. I'm waiting for some of these bulbs that I planted to grow. I'm watching them every day to see when I see the first little piece come up. I've been waiting for 30 days. But I know,

Anna: 41:42

because it's, yeah, exactly. Yeah. My last major community I was in had 185 apartments and it was 62 percent occupied. So I don't have a calculator, but our list of rent ready, open apartments to rent, It was 2 pages long. Let's call it 100 open apartments. Talk about overwhelming that is overwhelming. Yes, that is okay, let's do the next indicated step, which is to sell this apartment and we sold that apartment and then we sold another one. And then we sold another 1. and I am not at all taking credit for any of this. It was a village and a team and I had a co sales director who was amazing. But at the end of the day, when I left 2 years later, we had 1 apartment on the rent ready. And that is. One day at a time, one apartment at a time, and the next inundated staff. That's right.

Erin: 42:50

Trusting the process, planting the seeds. And trusting the

Anna: 42:53

process.

Erin: 42:55

Yes. Completely. Yes. Yeah.

Anna: 42:57

And, that community was built in the 60s. And we had brand new, sparkly, shiny, chandelier, marble, everything competitors who had just opened a year ago. you find the gratitude and what you have, right? Oh, we don't have marble and we don't have sparkles, but you have really caring, genuine, authentic team members who really want to help your team. And I think that's how we build up is authenticity and being genuine

Erin: 43:41

and it's not always empathetic for sure. And not everybody wants that, but when they find you and they want that, when you find your people, they start, yeah,

Anna: 43:56

exactly.

Erin: 43:57

Exactly.

Anna: 43:57

Yeah, because there's, I always get this saying wrong and I'm sure I'm going to mess it up again right now, but I say there's a nut for every wrench and maybe it's like a wrench for every bolt or, I don't know my tools, but I think it's a nut

Erin: 44:15

for every wrench. There's a net

Anna: 44:17

for every wrench, so not everybody wants the building from 1965. They do want the brand new chandelier, and that's great. There is something for everyone, but I think at the end of the day, when you're being empathetic, authentic, and vulnerable, that's the secret sauce. Whether you have the chandeliers or not, that is the secret sauce.

Erin: 44:42

We all know that all the money in the world does not buy happiness, and it does not buy authenticity. And you can have all the money in the world, and you still find yourself empty and hollow. And the same thing goes for inside of a community. yeah, it is people inside of your community that makes a difference. I don't care how much marble you have, how many chandeliers. I welcomed many people into my community, that was not fancy or shiny or any of that because of trust, empathy, transformation stories, and a true authentic connection.

Anna: 45:19

Yeah, exactly. My favorite question from a tour was always, What sets your community apart from others? Yes. And my answer was always the vibes and the energy and walk around our community and just really focus on the vibes and energy and then go to other communities and focus on that vibe and energy and pick the one that resonates.

Erin: 45:49

Yeah,

Anna: 45:50

and they always think about it. wow. Okay. it really gave them food for thought. And a lot of the time they liked our vibe and it resonated. So

Erin: 46:03

do you want to know my answer to that question?

Anna: 46:06

Yes.

Erin: 46:07

I said, it was me. And it was my team and we, I'm going to connect with you and I'm going to walk you through every step of this caregiving journey that you have. And I'm going to make sure that your loved one is cared for. We're not going to be perfect. We're not going to be perfect, but I can assure you that we care and we will address every situation and your loved one will be happy here. What that definition means is up to them, but they will find their place here. So the difference is the people inside of this community. Yeah, what are you going to say to that? I can double down. My grandmother lived here. My grandmother in law lived in here. I know where the dirt is and I still brought it up. You know what I mean? it's pretty powerful. you can't overcome that. Yeah, I feel like we just taught a master class of senior living. I feel like we have. Solves the world's problem. Is there any step that we missed or any points? That you feel like we should make but I feel like we covered all of them.

Anna: 47:13

Wow. I think we covered the majority for sure. like I said, I could probably talk about all of this for a month, but A lot of the nitty gritty, I do always like to say my favorite quote And this goes back to your struggles of not filling enough and your interactions with that regional boss, my all time favorite quote, because I struggle with the same exact feelings of not enough and perfectionism and people pleasing and trying to be everything to everyone all the time. As you can be the ripest, juiciest peach. And there are still going to be people who don't like peaches

Erin: 48:00

and

Anna: 48:02

I remind myself of that all the time. And the ironic part of that being my favorite quote is I actually don't like peaches. I refuse to eat peaches. I am 1 of those people who don't like peaches, but you can be everything and. And there's still going to be people who, you're just not their jam and that's okay. I am working on accepting that acceptance. I'm never going to control what other people think or do. All I can do is keep my side of the street clean and walk with kindness and grace. And I don't do that every day, all the time, but I certainly try. It's true. I love peaches, so I'll give you all the peaches that end up on my plate.

Erin: 48:58

Sounds great. I have wanted to have this conversation for so long with somebody who had an understanding of it on such a detailed level. It is just the beginning of what I feel like the future of senior living is going and where society is today and for women to own their power and authenticity and men to for everyone to this is a framework for success. This is not a framework for just for recovery. This is a framework on literally being a good human and being a strong and confident human and being an accountable human and attracting more people like that to you. Yes. Yes. That is why it's a framework inside of a successful assisted living community too.

Anna: 49:58

Yeah, and I used these tools and these steps and these phrases and prayers pretty much every single day of my 13 years in senior living. And the days that I forgot them were not good days, like it, it didn't go well. So then it's okay, let's back it up. Do the step 10 of where did that go wrong? Oh, yeah, I forgot all of this. I forgot my entire toolbox. Yikes. Okay. So tomorrow we're going to open the toolbox and use some of these tools.

Erin: 50:34

Yeah, because tomorrow is a new day. Yeah. And I always struggled with bringing the past with me, and we just can't do that. Does. It's not allowed. No, it's not allowed. It's not. And that's what the framework does. It releases the past. And tomorrow is a new day. And that's the magic of accountability. I saw a quote, it said, if you're still viewing me as the person that I was, you don't know me anymore,

Anna: 51:04

Yeah. I also like that meme. the person on Facebook from 10 years ago is not me, right? Yes. I don't know who that was, but that's not the me of today. So

Erin: 51:19

yes.

Anna: 51:19

Thank goodness. We're not perfect. We're all a work in progress.

Erin: 51:24

Yes. I may visit there, but I don't stay there anymore. You know what I mean? Nope. I dip my toe in and then I'm like, whoops.

Anna: 51:32

Nope. Don't like that.

Erin: 51:34

Oh, thank you so much for being, yes. Thank you for being brave. and courageous and vulnerable and sharing it and letting us explore it. And I hope that a lot of people come to the realization that we are all the same. We just have different vices and different choices and a negative mindset is just as destructive as having two bottles of wine every night. It's the same. It's the same thing. Just made different choices.

Anna: 52:06

It's toxic. I'm wearing my dandelion earrings. Dandelions are one of my favorite plants. Uhhuh, and I love that quote. Some see a weed. And some See A Wish. And I love to see a Wish.

Erin: 52:21

That's good. That's good. Alright, as to for all of my listeners, aspire for more for you.