How to Earn Trust with Your Words

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Transcript

1:05

Hi, y'all and my best Alabama voice. Welcome back to another episode of The Spire For More with Erin podcast. Excited you. Were here and today we're going to really dissect the wing it and owning it mindset. Have you ever finished a long day, whether it's 10, 12 hours and you walked away and you felt like, I don't, I don't even know what I did. Did I do anything? Did I do anything today? I don't even remember that, unless it was a very awful day. That's like a wing it mentality, and I want to replace that wing IT mentality with a simple system that makes you feel like you have an own IT mentality and that's your default, and that by five 6:00 PM. You can walk out that door saying, I got a lot of stuff done. That's what we're gonna work on today. And believe me, I've had many a day where I felt like I don't even know what just hit me. And even though we're gonna have those days, I don't want those days to be your normal. Okay? The promise for you is that by the end of this episode. You'll have one decision that you'll own today, hopefully, and one that you can escalate, take it to the, to the corporate office. You'll be able to take it to them with confidence because you're gonna know what to say and how to say it. And then one where you're gonna inform people without sounding like management says,'cause I'm gonna give you a tidbit. Lean in here real close. Listen closely. The upper administration, your regional director, your CEOs, they want you to act like an owner. They want you to own your role inside of the community, and they don't want you to say, well, corporate says so. They want you to be able to inform people about the why these things matter in a way. That convinces people that you believe it and that my friend, is what we're gonna talk about today. How can we communicate this in a way that we believe it? Because maybe you do, maybe you don't, but we're gonna need to start acting like we own the role and find the common ground, because that's what people want. That's what, if you wanna become more trustworthy inside of your community from the corporate perspective, you gotta own your role. You gotta learn how to communicate in the appropriate way. We're gonna talk about that, winging it and saying that management says, or corporate says, will cost you trust time and energy, and those are things that you cannot lose. My God, these trust, time and energy is literally what you need to be successful inside of this community. Okay. And ownership, owning your role will compound the results for you over time. Maybe a slow start to the momentum, but over time you're gonna see those results. So here's why I believe winging it lingers around a little bit longer than it should. Okay. I think our ability to make decisions timely, appropriately and to manage them effectively slows our ability to execute. People want things fast. They wanna know that they can trust you in making these decisions and making them the right way, and communicating why you made them. Anticipation is a key word there. Being able to anticipate and see these problems that are coming up. Early in making decisions and being able to communicate why? Why did you make this? What do you want? Why are we talking about this now and why weren't we talking about this a couple days ago? Right? Another problem why winging it lingers a little bit more is that we do say, well, I was told we have to do this, or corporate office says that we have to do this, or This is what the regional director says, so this is why we do it. There is no buy-in here. People want to believe that you believe what you're saying, and if you don't believe what you're saying, if you are not bought in, they're not gonna be bought in. It's one thing to say, this is what our regulations are and this is why, and this is what we have to follow and why. Okay? That's one, one thing, and you can say that as because those are rules. It's black and white. But you can't necessarily say, this is what our corporate wants us to do, and then let that be that, especially if it's not in the interest of the person who's sitting across from you, because guess what's gonna happen? They're gonna call the corporation. When as the leader, as the director of nursing, as the sales director, as the executive director, you understand what your boundaries are and you communicate them effectively. those types of conversations are not winging it. They're owning it. You understand why you're able to communicate it effectively, and after that, you're able to help somebody solve the problem that you can't. That is key. That is owning it. That is seriously owning it. And another problem of why, of how. The winging, it lingers longer than it should. One of the reasons why is because when we hesitate as leaders to own the role, or to make the decisions, or to communicate the decisions, and we just allow these things to unfold without resolution, our results stall. If we're not bought in. If we don't care, if we don't align with the mission, our results stall. And we're constantly winging it instead of owning it. And I think alignment is key here because when you're aligned, you're moving forward. We got forward progress, we're doing the right things, we're communicating, we're tying in actions to results. people are understanding what they need to do, but when there's no buy-in, when there's no alignment, there's a lot of hesitation. And hesitation can really make forward progress stall and be stuck. Have you ever had those conversations where it's like, well, why aren't we where we needed to be? And that's probably'cause the leader's hesitating I've been there. You gotta really ask yourself, why am I hesitating? So one of the first frameworks that we wanna talk about is the OEI framework. How do I own it? Can I own it? What do I need to escalate? And then what can I inform in an ownership way, because that's very important. So own is I decide and I act within my guardrails. So let's talk about some decisions that you can own. We all have our policies and procedures, and we have our state regulations. Right. So we don't, we can have a tour walk in, we can do the tour, we can do the assessment, and we can say that we can move this resident in. We don't necessarily have to ask for approval to move a resident in, We own that decision because we know what the rules are. But from a sales and marketing standpoint, what we have to escalate is when we can't move. A resident end, but not only would we escalate that, we would wanna escalate and inform them in an ownership way. Again, if you've never listened here before, I work in Alabama, have always worked in Alabama, and we have very. Interesting guidelines for admissions here. So in a memory care setting, all of our residents have to be able to walk or self repel in a wheelchair. And there's a physical self-maintenance scale that says that a resident cannot score a 23 or higher. And in that instance, if a resident scores a 22 or if a resident is. Not able to walk or self propel in a wheelchair. They don't meet the eligibility requirements, and that is a reason to escalate and inform. I'm gonna call the corporate nurse and I'm gonna talk to them about this assessment, why we can't meet the needs based on our regulations. So I'm gonna escalate the fact that we have a denial and I'm gonna own the conversation and inform them as to why. And I really wanna talk to you here because this is something, there's a simple format for me to understand of how to communicate to a corporate office, to a CEO, to a regional director, I have used story a lot in communicating you wanna hire me because of the X, Y, Z, And that can, that story can be a long time and people will shut off. But if you talk about outcome based, then you've got people's attention. So if I had a denial of a resident due to regulatory guidelines, I would call the regional nurse, regional director, whoever, whoever it is for your, for your company. And I would say, Hey, we have a denial of a potential resident. I needed to talk to you about it. It's a, it's according to the physical self maintenance scale. There's, there's, they're 22 and they can barely walk or self propel, That's an outcome based conversation versus, oh, we have a family here who's really struggling, find finding a place that can take care of their loved one. And you go into the long story, and then you finally get to the point that we can't meet their needs again. It's important to talk about outcomes. Think about the outcome rather than the story. Sometimes the story does matter, but when we're talking to people who are busy, who are managing 11 communities and who have 12 safe reportable incidents, they have to manage, You want to be able to respect and protect their time, and the more outcome based, when you inform people, the better that it is. So you can own who's moving in. As long as you can accept them according to your policies and procedures and your state regulations, and you can also escalate up when you can't and you can inform them in an outcome-based way. That, to me, communicates to senior level leadership that you own. The situation you communicate to them, you, you're able to talk to them about the facts. You keep emotions at a minimum, which we all know people struggle with inside the, the leadership of the community. and you, and you try to mitigate circumstances as best you can. so if own is, I decide and I act within my guardrails. Escalate is I bring two options plus my recommendations that you decide, So if you are escalating up to get some guidance, never go into that conversation without your own options to solve the problem. When people want you to be the the CEO and the owner of your role, they want you to bring solutions with the escalations. Now you may be at a place where you have no solutions and that's okay. And you can say that, I have thought about this from every angle, and I just don't know which way to turn. Can I steal 20 minutes of your time? Right? That's escalating up. You're owning and you're communicating to people. I have spent a lot of time on this and I don't know which way to go. That's important. You can talk about recommendations. You can talk to your regional director or your regional nurse, your regional sales and marketing director. I'm really struggling with this situation. Here are two of my recommendations that I would do, and I wanted to run them by you. You're building trust. You're owning it, and you're informing it even though you're escalating it. A lot of people that I work with. And a a, a pattern that I see is that people are not as prepared when the regional director comes to visit, they wait for the regional director to make plans about the visit. But I will tell you most regional directors that I talk to, and I say most want the executive director to lead the meeting. They want you to show off the work that you've done. They want you to bring up the topics to discuss. They want you to lead the tour and introduce your people. They want you to own the visit. Now they're gonna have their own agenda, and that's good, but if you want people to trust you and you want people to see you, then you are gonna wanna show them what you're capable of. Because if people are gonna look for what you're not doing, you really need to show off what you are doing. And that is a huge advantage. And if you are my coaching client, you know that, that's what I'm gonna tell you. I'm sorry, but a regional director coming into my community is a visitor. Yes, they have an agenda. Yes, we're gonna talk about all the things they want to talk about, but I'm gonna show you what my team's doing and I'm gonna make you proud of them. And then the rest we'll talk about, I'll be able to answer your questions because if I don't know where it is, I'm gonna find it and I'm gonna be prepared because I understand the patterns of what the company's focusing on. Do not let your regional director lead the meeting. You should lead the meeting because you're gonna own it. You're gonna escalate it and you're gonna inform them of what's going on. So the framework of inform is. I decide, but you are looped in, So think of three reoccurring decisions that you've had to make. sometimes you just have to inform people, or you could even, let's look at it from an informing of a resident or a family member about things that are happening. Some, some transitions that are coming up. And now I believed Change is situational and transitions are personal. So if there are some transitions and some changes going on Or we're having to make decisions because of some different behavior patterns and communications that are showing up. It's important for you to be able to inform somebody in a way that that builds confidence in you as a leader. So it's, I had, I've had to make this decision, here's why, and I wanted to make sure that you were looped in, Your responsiveness. And the speed to your follow up is respect and care, and that's important. How you speak to people, the confidence level that you're speaking to them is really, really important when you're informing them. Okay? Just because you have to have the tough conversation doesn't mean that it has to be tough. It has to be informative. You have to bring in recommendations. You have to bring in the phrase, based on my experience, you have to offer a safe space for them to ask questions and advocate for themselves and for the residents. You have to be able to say, here's what we've done and why. Here are some options of what we can do. Can we decide this together? And a decision has to be made. Just yesterday I had a conversation with the school at my son's IEP meeting, and it wasn't, it was a hard conversation. I, I talk about this a lot. IEP meetings are a lot like care plan meetings and when you have to hear the things that your child or your loved one is not capable of doing it, it's really. Really hard. I describe it as just pins stabbing you at the same time, the pain. Even though I'm very aware, it's just hard to hear when you speak it out loud, and you have to keep the defensive mechanism down because what they're saying is true. And that is a lot for somebody, a parent who loves their son very much sitting there listening to it. But we had to make some tough decisions because my son's behaviors were causing, a lot of disruption. And I know they are, and I know there has to be changes. And so they were informing me and I was informing them. And in the end, we were both owning our role. And the changes that needed to happen. But if they weren't going to own it, if they weren't informing me and they were just letting me know what they were doing and there was no conversation about it, there would be a defensive mechanism. But they really come to it from a perspective of, we're informing you, we're bringing you options, and we're allowing us to work on this together. And I knew they cared. Did they have they handled all the things right? No, they haven't. And I know that they cared and I knew that they're doing the best, the best that they can. And my son is a very unique bird with lots of weird little, situations he gets himself in. And so you cannot prepare for those types of things, but you can come in prepared to a meeting to inform. And to own the outcome. And that's really important to the person on the other side of the table, whether it's your corporate director, your or your corporate nurse, or a family member. So the framework to stop winging it and start owning it, and with these tough conversations and gaining the trust of your, your corporate leadership is gonna be, do I own it? Do I escalate it or do I inform it? With the outcome of owning it, owning your role in it the entire time, how can I inform these people of changes without saying corporate saysso? That's really important. How do I own it? How do I escalate it? How do I inform it? Another framework that's important to getting out of the wing it window and into owning it. The owning it window. Is what's something that I call the language ladder that can be prompts to help you with an owning it language? Because there is a certain language to ownership and it, the certain language to ownership is not that management says it's more of an observational tone. So here's what I'm seeing. Here are some of the patterns that I'm seeing and why we need to make a decision, That's an observational tone. like when we, we give advice and we put these boundaries on it. based on my experience in the five years that I've been here, other residents have seen, so we don't have to be so scared to be wrong. We have these pre-framing sentences or words that we can use. So saying. something with an observational tone, here's what I'm seeing and why. We need to make an adjustment now before it progresses into something different. That's an observational type of language that we can use to show people and to communicate people that we own this. another is an intent type of language. Our goal is our goal, from the IEP meeting yesterday. Our goal is to provide a safe space for all of our students, including your son. We want him to be successful inside these walls. And so here's what we believe we need to do in order to be successful. Our goal is to get him to blank. Our goal is to get this resident to move in, be comfortable, and to benefit from everything that they have to offer. Another type of language to use is the decision or ask language, which is I've decided that we need to. Raise the rates, which we know unless you're an owner. That might not necessarily be the executive director's decision, but it can be a decision that was based on, the events that are going on in the country and all of the rising rates we have. We need to raise our rates, whatever that is, we have decided to, or we recommend. That you get a sitter for four hours a day. That's a decision or an ask type of language. We have decided, we recommend, based on what we're seeing, we recommend, these are types of language words that we can use that will communicate ownership. Another type of types of words that you can use is the rationale. The data shows the impact has been since we've made this decision, we've seen the positive impact here. That's a way to inform people and to communicate that You see what's going on, you've been measuring the impact, and it's been good. It's been bad. We need to make changes. You're communicating that you own it. And number five to me is a next step in accountability, phrasing the words that we can use, and in my opinion, the most important because next steps in accountability scream. I can trust you. You own this. I, I understand and I see you. So when you're talking about getting a resident to move in or transitioning to a. A higher level of care or needing hospital stay or rehab when people are feeling vulnerable and out of control and in that blaming, mentality, I have chosen to look at that as they feel out of control and I need to help them direct where their energy needs to go. Maybe I did something wrong, I don't know, And I need to help them control what their next step is. If we don't help people guide, guide them through the process, they're going to feel out of control, vulnerable. And what do most people do when they feel out of control and vulnerable and hurting? They blame. They discharge the pain. And so when you offer next steps and accountability, you help give them back control. And when people feel in control. They feel calmer, a little more collected, and a little more focused on what the next step is. And so that is a strategy for everyone who is in this care space. If you are being a guide to a person to go to the next step, and here's some words that you can say, here's what happens next. Here's who owns what and buy when. Okay, based on my experience, what's going to happen next is you're gonna go to the hospital. You're gonna want to be admitted for three midnights, with the goal of being to get to rehab, to come back home to us. So when you get to the hospital, you're gonna wanna make sure you're admitted. You're gonna wanna establish a relationship with a case manager, a social worker, tell them where you live, what you want, and then make sure that you're present during all of the physician's time to round. You just told them what to do. Next steps, give them the accountability. Who's responsible for what, and then what does done look like? can you tell people what done looks like? Once you have three midnights and then you pick the rehab that you want to go to, then you get to come back to us. That's what done looks like. That's the goal. That's the outcome. And if you put all those together, if you put that framework together, the observation and the intent, the rationale, the decision and ask framework, and the next step in accountability, it'll go something like, here's what I'm seeing. Our goal is we've decided here because the next step to achieve that goal is whatever it is, Okay, here's what I'm seeing. People who stay home and don't have the social interaction or who are not able to drive and still want to socially interact, do not benefit from staying inside the home. Our goal inside senior living is to provide that social interaction and that freedom and the independence with having drivers or buses to take them where they want to go. We've decided to make that a priority for our residents because. Everybody deserves freedom, socialization, and independence at a level that they can be successful, and we own that here, and this is our transportation services schedule. When you use words appropriately, you communicate a lot more than just an objective. You can communicate trust, accountability, and that's really important, especially inside senior living. So here are some other types of examples for you to think about when speaking to families, If we're speaking to families, we could say something I've decided to adjust mom's dining seating to increase social time because she's engaged. Most at lunch. We'll review Friday and I'll call you with an update. That sounds so good, You've made a decision. I've decided to adjust your mom's seat in the dining room to increase social time because she's engaged most at lunch. What that says is, I see your mother. I see patterns, and I'm reacting to the patterns. So impressive. If you're speaking to associates, We're moving the 7:00 PM med delivery to 9 45 to reduce the rush at shift, change the confusion. And this is who's gonna own the rollout. This is who's doing the training. If you have any questions, write them down and let us know. And we're gonna go live on Monday. People are owning. This transition, this change, there's no winging it here. Everybody's knowing what the next step is, who's accountable and whose made the decision and why. Now, here's a big one. here's how you talk to the corporate office. Occupancy is at 91%. We are a net two for the month. expected overtime reduction is$720 this month. That is a bunch of ownership phrases you are letting people know. I know what my occupancy is. It's 91%, we're a net two this month. Okay, and this is, these are some of the goals that I have, the remainder of the week and the month. This is what I'm going to do about it, and if you need anything else or want me to do anything else, let me know. This communicates, I've got this, I own this. It also communicates I'm flexible and I'm listening. If you have anything more. Nowhere in any of that did it say, corporate says, management says when you give that line to people. And those people take that up to the corporate office, you lose credibility, You lose time, trust and energy because now you're fighting two battles at once. the power of your words. The power of your tone of voice. The power of your intention communicates more than the actual words. Now, words are powerful, words are weapons, and so we have to use them wisely. But when you use them intentionally, you can communicate trust, authority, reliability, and ownership to all the key stakeholders that you are serving. In order to serve them in the most profound and meaningful way. And my last webinar where we talk about building capacity, one of the leadership shifts that came up was, I want my corporate office to trust me more. I now, that is an excellent leadership shift. The problem is you're not, you are not responsible for changing the way somebody looks at you. Or feels or feels around you. And in fact, I don't know if they trust you or not, but here's what you are responsible for, how you communicate things to them. And if you're not communicating things to them in a way that screams, I own this. I've got this. Here's what I'm doing at all times, and you're telling them a lot of stories without a lot of facts and outcomes, then you might not feel as trusted as you want. The one thing that you're, you can do to change is to be aware of the words. Be aware how you're owning it, when you're escalating it, what you're saying while you're escalating it, and how you inform people when you use intense observation, intent, a decision or ask framework, pre-framing, words. Next step in accountability. Words, you're telling them, I got this. And when you say, because corporate says you're telling them you're not aligned with it, which can be tricky. So I want you to take the time today and think about one decision, one decision that you've been avoiding. And I want you to think about, can I own this? Do I need to ask for help? And how can I inform them what I've been thinking about in a way that that will get them to help me without judging me and take a decision at a time and practice? Because I'm gonna tell you this Communication is the number one reason why relationships fail. Both personal and professional. The lack of communication and the over communication and the zero communication is why teams fail. But when the leader owns it and they know when to escalate it and they know how to inform people, then everyone else around you will rise to your level of ownership. I just firmly believe that it's been too evident in my life. So watch your tone, watch your words, be intentional with them, and find alignment even when you feel like you're not aligned, because I believe alignment may be the reason why you either say or do not say, because corporate says so. You can't get buy-in if you're not bought in. That's important. I love to cover things like this in my one-on-one coaching, my training and development programs that I do for companies as well as individuals. I love talking about these subjects. I love seeing the growth in the people that I get to mentor and develop. if you're interested in those types of services, I'm your girl. Aspire for more with erin.com, you can message me on LinkedIn. you can email me at Erin Thompson at Aspire for more with erin.com. A hundred percent leader is ready. We're gonna start, the beginning of March. So if you want a group mentoring program, I believe this is the best one out there for senior living. I truly care about, your success and, and my partner Aaron Fish does as well. We're here to help you be successful and to stop winging it. To start owning it. You're not incapable. You may just be under prepared for a very complex and nuanced job as an executive director. So as always, aspire for more for you knowing that you are already enough, and don't be afraid to reach out and refer or to tell people about this episode because I think it will help them as well. Have a great rest of your week. Okay.